22 April, 2008

The Greatest Achievement

What can/could be the greatest achievement in life? With time and age, I can not think of any other achievement that is as great and as fulfilling as that achieved in marriage. Be it for a man or a woman: to get married and build up that marriage successfully, and keep that marriage happy, meaningful and going; and make it last through all the trials, turbulence and difficulties of marriage, is the greatest achievement a person can have.

An achievement that very few can claim to have. An achievement that has become very difficult to have, due to the mechanical, digital way that life is now and due to the search for material goals that most of us are after; material goals that very rarely can give us the fulfillment and peace of mind that a successful, happy marriage does give. Happiest is the man or woman whose marriage is successful; the more successful that marriage is, the more happier and fulfilled the person is. Nothing is as crippling for a person as being in an unhappy, non-working marriage. It cripples both the mind and the body.

Most enviable, are families that have made their marriages happy, fulfilling and long lasting. It's only with happy, successful marriages that most great families, communities and societies are built. The more successful and long lasting marriages are, the stronger families, communities and societies are. Most children who come from sad and weak marriages, turn out or end up to be even more unhappier and weaker than their parents were. Any family or community or society that does not have strong and long lasting marriages, would very rarely be strong or successful; such families or communities or societies would be weak; and it's they, in most instances, that produce people who can easily stray and become criminals or become deviants.

For marriage to have success, it has to start right from the beginning; right from the preparation. It's best for one to prepare for marriage and understand what it would entail before getting involved. One has to choose who that right, compatible person - who would play that central role - to get married to, should be. It's best and very advisable to marry from one's own kind of religion, background, culture, race, likes and dislikes etc. Then comes the most difficult part of all: living together. In life, the only people who have to spend most time together, are spouses. And that having two people, with different characters, personalities, likes and dislikes - so close to each other, sharing, most of the time, is very hard and difficult for both husband and wife. Living together requires: adjusting, compromising and sacrificing from both husband and wife. Living together is hard when finances are low and when it's hard to fulfill the family's needs; it becomes even harder and more demanding when in-laws are involved; and it becomes even hardest, for the woman in particular, when living with in-laws.

The moment one gets married, that marriage becomes the center and the greatest motivation in almost all things one does; every thing revolves around that marriage and the other person involved. The hardest thing to do in life - is to build and have that happy, successful marriage. It requires great patience, the most commitment and the greatest dedication. It requires too - much sacrifice, and surrendering certain things. It requires, getting used to each other; and compromising. It requires accepting each others negatives and positives; weaknesses and strengths. It requires, not only taking, but more of giving.

Marriage should be forever. It should be permanent. Especially when children are involved. If it has to break up, then it should be done in a dignified and kind way. Though, it's very difficult for it to be so at the time of breaking up; the couple and the people involved, should, with time, be willing to forgive and wish each other well. If children are involved, after the break up, both parents should not involve the children in their differences. Who ever takes the children, should allow the other easy access to them; and should not use the children as a tool to punish the other. Should the mother be the one to have taken the children and kept them; the father should do his best to help not only as much as he can financially, but in other ways too; in other ways that can help the children morally and psychologically.

Whoever has been involved in a break up and divorce, knows how painful that can be; it's most painful indeed. It weakens and cripples too. Especially when children are involved. After going through two eventful marriages; both full of tests and ups and downs, and after the first ending in divorce, I can only have this advice for married men: make your marriage work and keep it going. Try as much as possible to do so. The alternative to that, could be a divorce. And that and the after effects, man, is too weighty and too mentally straining. And for all those who are planning to get married: plan well, know what you are getting involved in and after, be totally committed to the marriage. For those who are already married: make it work and good luck. And for those who have been successfully and happily married for long, and have raised up children to be adults, I say: congratulations and God bless you!