Verses of Love
For the last few days, the news has been full of the Texas/Utah polygamists. But American law and constitutional rights, is hypocritical and most absurd in the way it handles the whole issue of polygamy: a man has the right to engage in any form of consensual sexual relationship with any number of women and can live with multiple women (Hugh Hefner style) and even sire children from different women so long as they do not marry; but when that same man accepts a legal commitment for two or more partners "as a spouse" even with the consent of the women - he is sent to jail. And yet the same man can keep as many mistresses as he wants; it's not against American law. But get married to more than one woman, and the American legal system comes down hard on you. Incredible.All the three Great religions: Islam, Christianity and Judaism seem to agree on polygamy. All the great Prophets, except Issa, were all polygamists; both the Quran Al Kareem and the Bible contain rules for the division of property in polygamist marriages. I personally am no polygamist and, by character, can not be one; but I feel America is being too hypocritical in the way it's dealing with polygamy. As long as the women are not underage and consent to sharing a husband, I do not see any thing wrong at all with polygamy. If the US has anti-sodomy laws that give 'gays' rights; I do not see why it should be difficult to give polygamists rights.
Which brings me to 'Verses of Love'. The Indonesian blockbuster film. It is about polygamy. Polygamy - the Islamic way. 'Verses of Love' - based on the best-selling novel by Indonesian novelist Habiburrahman El Shirazy, is set in Egypt but shot in Central Java and India; and has drawn almost 3 million viewers in Indonesia in the first three weeks, including Indonesia's President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono. For many, especially those who do not understand Islam, the film is an eye opener and informative; it shows a side of Islam that's rarely portrayed these days. Many Muslim men who practice polygamy, have abused that freedom; they fail or ignore to practice it in its real Islamic essence and be guided by the laid down Islamic rules; strict, clear cut rules for the man to follow.
Here in Hadhramout, polygamy is legal and allowed. But, very few men indeed do have more than one wife. Even the many who are well off and can afford to maintain many wives, prefer to keep only one. Marriage, be it in a polygamous form or a monogamous one - is a very serious undertaking. And for the man, it's a commitment that has the most responsibilities. Islam does allow polygamy; but the very strict Islamic rules and laws for the husband to follow and keep up with in a polygamous marriage, is what discourages and makes it difficult for most Hadhramys to have more than one wife.
Comments
But there are a couple things I'd want to tweak in what you said.
Yes, you can go to jail for polygamy in America, but it is rare.
This famous case being celebrated right now involves not only polygomy, but child abuse, as many of the wives/concubines are under age.
Christianity technically allows for polygomy, but has from the earliest times frowned on it. The Khalifa Paul stated that Christians could not be in leadership if they had more than one wife. Polygamy was never a general practice in early Christianity, in part because it was incredibly rare in the Roman Empire at the time, and in part because of the theology in Christianity of one man/one woman becoming one being, though the standard interpretation of Genesis in Christianity. So while it is technically allowed in Christianity (nothing in the Bible says its wrong, as you say), in practice it is forbidden, and is always seen (among Christians) as not God's best.
Hope you are well. I just came across your blog. Great stuff! I am writing to you because my partner and I are launching a website that will be populated with cross-cultural information about every country in the world. We will be looking to the web community to help do this with all the information being available for free. I was wondering if you and/or members from your community may be able to help us out with the Yemen pages. We would love your input. Let me know if you would be open to this and I'll send along a brief questionnaire. Please also feel free to check out the website, become a member (it's free!) and add to the guide.
http://www.culturecrossing.net/
Thank you for your time!
Best,
Michael Landers
Email: michael@culturecrossing.net
www.culturecrossing.net
I am checking your blog for quite a while now and I really like it.
What you got wrong in this case is that the "polygamists" from Texas forced the women as well as the children to stay in the community and to live within this marriage. Just that you get me right here - I don't like the "Hugh Hefner Style", actually I am totally sick of it, but when a man has several realtionships or even children, the women did it voluntarily. So, first point is, you cannot compare what you consider a "bad lifestyle" to a crime.
Second, considering the hypocrisy of America: It is not hypocrisy. It is the fact that the government - and the government is represented by its laws and the constitution - has to state that polygamy in fact is wrong. Those laws have nothing to do with the bible, they are about the values a society should keep (I say should, because everyone knows that not all people in a society act morally correct). So, the other way round: When the government says "okay" to polygamy, it says "no" to the values most of the constitutional states worldwide gained and strengthened in the past one- oder twohundred years.
I just hope nobody here wants to start a discussion about if polygamy is wrong or right. It is insulting the women involved, it is serving the husband only and it against the human rights of every woman because every woman should be respected as someone unique.
Mike: thank you for the offer. I do find your site and ideas interesting. But I am hard pressed for time. You are free to repost or refer to any article from this site (please, just mention this site if you do so).
Schmidt: American laws are great, but in relation to polygamy and especially how they are handling this case now - this is hypocrisy and too harsh. And as much as America preaches for Women's rights and dignity and though it goes so mercilessly against these polygamists, there are thousands and maybe millions of wrinkled old men like Hefner playing around openly with women old enough to be their grand daughters. There are men who keep several mistresses openly. But the moment a man makes that relationship with more than woman legal and binding and hence becomes responsible - the American legal system becomes senseless. It prefers and gives advantage to the 80+ yearold Hugh Hefner (and his likes) and his several 'girlfriends' openly celebrating and living together and yet is so merciless now against these polygamists. It allows women to be used in pornography and other utterly degrading and debasing ways. This doesn't make sense to me at all.
SF: what has most disturbed and shocked me about all this is the way the authority has mercilessly involved the children.
I did rather have a man openly living with more than one woman as a polygamist, than have him playing and making fools of several women at the same time. I know polygamy is punishing to a woman; but it many times, is even more punishing to the man. I know too: I did rather have one of my three daughters being married to a polygamist rather than living with a man who has several mistresses; worse if that man is old enough to be my age let alone be old enough to my father!
I've been slow to learn about this situation in Texas, as I was attending my dad's wife's memorial when the news broke. But there's another aspect, which I'll blog about soon, and you're right to bring up. This idea of stealing all kids away from the group just because some were abused- it's horrific. It's like going to a Bedu tribe because one or two individuals were abused, and taking all the kids away from all families in the tribe. You may remember I grew up in a commune. Two decades after we left, we found out that there had been some child abuse in the commune, with 3 kids. I wish we had caught this guy so much earlier, before he messed those kids up. But how horrible it would be if, evidently, the US government had learned of this at the time! For in overkill, I would have been evidently separated from my parents, for who knows how long. Worse yet, this is a unique culture, what happens in a commune. What I grew up in was so different from American culture. So I would have been pulled into a very foreign environment that I would have difficulty comprehending- much of what I imagine is happening to those kids right now.
When one considers what was going on in Arabia then and how people lived, it's then one can understand how Great the Prophet was. He mananged to change the very backward Arabia and its people and give them laws that were incomparable to any laws and rules then; he managed to make Arabia and the Arabs rise. And just like all the other Prophets right from the time of Adam, Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) too, lived an eccentric life. During most of his life, there was no Islam or Islamic laws and so his personal life, he lived the way he saw fit; it took 23 years for Islamic rules and laws to be complete.
SF: Noujoud's life is very shocking and extremely disturbing. Read more abut it here:
http://yementimes.com/article.shtml?i=1145&p=front&a=2
Such things happen here; but note: not in Hadhramout. Each part of Yemen is diffrent in some ways to the other; some have similarities and some are so very much apart. Hadhramout and Mahra are very similar in many ways; but Western Hadhramout has many similarities to Shabwa - both in how people live and terrain. The Bedouins in Hadhramout are still very backwards too and can do some very shocking things, but I have never hard of any thing similar to what hapenned to Noujoud.
The problem is how the media handles such stories. They generalise.
I hope you will visit Hadhramout and spend time here, and then visit other parts of Yemen. You will then realise how different Hadhramout is to the other parts.
Other than a few modern semi-Christian split off groups, like the Mormons, (who are only as close to Christianity as the Bahai are to Islam) Christians have been united on this question for 2000 years. Catholic, Orthodox, all the Eastern Churches, all the Protestant variations do not believe that polygamy is moral.
It's an interesting question how we square that with the fact that it seems to have been tolerated at least in the earlier parts of the Old Testament. That's too complicated to get into in one blog comment! :p
But the point is: without getting into whether it is consistent or not, Christianity condemns polygamy.
Of course, it condemns adultery and fornication too! :)
Are there any true 'Christian' societies still remaining? Africa, to me, seems the most avid practicing Chriastians; and yet, the many Christian branches in Africa have brought in their own African traditions of polgamy in to religion.
Any way - my main point is: Western countries and societies pride themselves in their so called civil liberties and freedom of expression, and yet they have failed on how to deal with polygamy; they have laways suppressed it. And yet, incredibly, allowed many other forms and ways in which women are despicably treated; and yet have allowed the so called gay rights of even adopting children.
A woman is 'allowed' to share a man as long as she is not married to that man; share him with even a hundred women; have children with him. As long as she is not married to him. If there are real civil liberties in the West: what is wrong if any woman freely accepts to legally share a husband? Doesn't that make the man more responsible for the woman rather than be used by the man and then dumped; sometimes with children?